Sunday, May 27, 2012

End of an era?

As the school year comes to a close, I've begun to reflect on the past few months. They always seem to go by so fast, which tells me that I'm in the right field of work. It doesn't seem like the year should be over already as I feel like I just started. But October really was a long time ago.

Since then, I've been in several different classrooms and got to know nearly every student in the school. I've learned so much from each teacher that I've worked with, as they each have their own teaching style that works. They have no idea how much they taught me while they were teaching their students. I've also made several friendships among the staff, which I consider a blessing. I know not everyone is able to work with people they consider friends.

Last year, I was teaching high school students. This year, I worked with elementary students and loved it. I have made a great connection with a few of them, and I will never forget them. They, too, have taught me so much about being an educator and mentor to young people.

I don't know where I'll be next year, but if the past is any clue, I know that I will be changing lives and learning more about myself and the world around me in the process. The hard part is trusting that everything will work out and my dreams will come true with my hard work. Isn't that the way it's supposed to go?

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Musings on Love

"Miss, how old were you when you first fell in love?" a fifth grade boy asks me at lunch today, because of course, he is in love with a girl. In fifth grade. I answered him honestly and said, "I was 22 years old when I first fell in love."

"Are you still together?" he asks.

"No, he's married," I reply.

"Oh, that's not fair for you."

Oh, children! Their brutal honesty catches me off guard, and makes me laugh nearly every time. Love is so simple for them, but yet so complicated. So and so likes her, but she likes so and so, he said she said, blah blah blah. Little do they know that it gets more complicated as they get older. You can be head over heels in love, ready to take that walk down the aisle to your future, and the next day it's completely gone and everything you thought you knew is wrong. There are things in my past that I still don't understand, and I'm really not sure I will, and I've learned to live with that and move on. Love is such a tricky thing, though, when all I can think about is my career. I can see my window of opportunity shutting right in front of me for the third year in a row. I really don't have time or energy to be chasing down love.

I think being alone is not an issue for me. I've been alone, in a relationship sense, nearly all of my life. I actually think that's what killed my one and only relationship. I'm so content and used to being with myself that I have no idea how to let someone else in. I could go see a shrink about this, but I figure that once I get my career situated, these things will just iron themselves out when I meet the right man. All of the little things will just disappear, and then I'll know he's the one.

At least that's what I thought last time.